Another Day

I'm not sure what I want to say at this point, other than to acknowledge that another day has passed, and I wanted to acknowledge that.

Since yesterday, B-Day (beginning day) for this blog, I've taken just a few moments to briefly look around and notice other blogs dealing with DID. I have to say, I'm impressed and encouraged. I'm not sure my sister would concur. She's still (understandably) caught up in the whole tumult and overwhelmingly long road. Sometimes I worry she'll decide to cut that road short, because I can completely understand where you would feel hopeless, distraught, overwhelmed, and so much else, yet, indescribable. Hearing that other people share her struggle pretty commonly would be both encouraging, and I can see it being discouraging to her.

In my opinion (yes, this is just an opinion from someone NOT living it all firsthand and NOT an expert), she's still in denial. Yes, at some level she "acknowledges" this is happening, but she's still completely caught up in wishing it will just be "fixed", will "go away", or that if she isn't noticing alters, then they must not be a real problem to deal with because it's her life/body. It seems obvious to me that isn't gonna happen. But I can understand where she's coming from. I just wish she'd come on out of there.

Until that happens I'm getting all kinds of notes stuck in my mailbox, voice mails, text messages (one alter in particular prefers that type of communication, she seems afraid of vocal interaction as she knows she can't disguise herself, yet is brazenly "herself" when she texts)... Particularly when someone is adamently claiming to be having no contact or switching going on, it is apparent that an alter has taken over for a couple of weeks. Not necessarily the same alter. And with her, that's often a sign that a new alter has come out. The last few weeks are one example. This new alter was living as if it WERE my sister, and in some complicated form, thought it was. I say "it" because as near as I can understand, it's a he who has been living as a she since birth, and beyond that, sexual orientation and pronouns and such get confusing, especially when it's living as if it were my sister. You know, it gets confusing.

Next weekend we're scheduled to have a birthday party for a younger alter who has never had a birthday, at the suggestion of the therapist. This alter is VERY excited! Only 8 years old, BJ has experienced some of the seriously ritualistic trauma. I'm actually not sure if BJ is male, female, or neither, or some combination like Gable (the one I mentioned above). BJ is pretty anxious, and gets very upset at anger, loudness, violence, and other things. A lot like most child alters, from what I understand so far. BJ trusts me more than she does my sister at this point, I've heard, because while Gable was first manifesting and assuming my sister's life, it portrayed itself to be my sister. I'm getting confusing, sorry. Anyway, Gable was calling itself my sister, and everyone thought it was my sister (maybe even Gable at some level, I think) and so now there is some mistrust. I've heard this from my sister, and suspected it would be true of BJ. Bee is the older, caretaking one. Bee brought them all to my house last weekend because she was concerned for their safety. Somebody was being harmful and having suicidal thoughts, and she wasn't sure what to do. Influencing all of that is that my sister has health issues and is currently receiving monthly shots of high-hormones, which would make anyone a little "crazy".

So for now, allow me to get on with another day in real life, instead of the blogosphere. With all this going on, it's always nice to just live a bit, instead of talking, analyzing, considering, learning, and wearing my head out.