Rapid Switching & Conversations

This weekend was long and difficult. When "they" say that DID affects your sense of time, it's not just in relation to the multiple themselves (how does grammar work with that one?). When you're a support person, and experience a lot of this stuff secondhand, it's pretty affected for you as well.

Things were stirring toward the end of last week, but nothing like the level they reached starting Saturday afternoon and stretching through at least 1:00 a.m. last night/this morning. Constant switching, great internal wars, and my text message inbox was filled up TWICE this weekend with threats to me, to my sister, pleas for help, and other more "meaningless" drivel. Less-so with the voicemail, but as it's linked to text messaging it was affected. One alter seriously called me 50 times. A great part of that was 'testing' me to see if I would answer. About every 8th call she left a message saying something like, "GOOD!! I'm glad you are being obedient" and other such things in a voice dripping with so much loathing and hatred and what might be described as pure evil that I can't really portray it in words on a blog. All that because she had threatened me to never again answer a call, and if I do, my sister would be hurt. That alter doesn't get logic but does understand in black and white. She is inherently deceptive. And last night when we finally did talk (we have had a couple of discussions over the last few months, but she generally avoids me and doesn't like me, of course) I gathered that she also doesn't understand money (a problem as my sister has limited finances) and has trouble with any emotional situations - friendship, love, laughter. She self-medicates because she is stronger when she doesn't feel, and also prevents my sister from taking an anti-depressant because it makes it easier for her to take over. She definitely is all about control, and is so caught up in being in control, keeping control, and other control battles she can't see past it. Last night we discussed, among so many other things, that even if you're "in control" of the body, if everyone is yelling and fighting and preventing anything from happening, is that really being in control? Other highlights include: the ongoing discussion of the importance of figuring out how to work together, whether having a job at this point is a good idea, the importance (and difficulty) of learning to trust and be trusted, that wanting everyone else to just go away, while understandable, is unrealistic, how hurting one person's body affects everyone's body, and a lot of those type issues. What was encouraging to me is that after a bit of discussion this later, M, said, "hold on a minute" and then my sister was saying "uh, how long have we been talking". M LET my sister come out!

Now, I'm sure some of you are confused of course (not unlike me and most of us, most of the time), and some may don't agree with my limited understanding or philosophy. But to me, that is progress. I don't think they're ready to move on to real therapy (right now they're doing patchwork-ish consultations with a therapist who has some experience with DID but self-admits she will need someone with more training and experience in the long run).

My struggles: I don't know how to be supportive. I'm NO expert. If there are any absolutes, I certainly don't know them, and I suspect rather than absolutes there are preferences and philosophies. I'm doing my best to not let this consume me (good thing since my sister isn't my whole life, but a significant piece, and formerly more-personally-involved). One problem is how to explain some of this. I'm not out to control her or her life, but it's affecting to her when she's around my friends and is acting "strangely". She wouldn't want to be like that - would be embarrassed and concerned about her privacy which is understandably important to her after a life lived mostly with everyone around her in her business. Mostly I suggest she's having "personal problems" and has some memory issues. That doesn't explain childlike or aggressive or other particular behaviors. But it does keep people at bay, especially because I can always add (when/if they ask) that it's not my "story" to talk about, it's her life.

We live in a relatively small town, and I don't know about any significant support groups for multiples or places she can plug in. Granted, that's not my expertise and her therapist/consultant is helping her with that. But she's feeling alone, isolated, unproductive, and so much else. Understandable. But how do you be supportive in that situation?