So Tired

Weary.

Today is a selfish day. It's a day I can't think clearly, and all I want to do is hide. I want to just pretend DID doesn't exist, that there aren't thousands of people suffering because of it.

I want to be selfish. I want to be controlling and say: "listen!! you WILL check yourself in somewhere safe. You WILL cut off your internet and by the way, phone. You will own up to reality and stop pretending. You will stop driving and putting other people at risk. You WILL seek help."

I realize that sounds terribly selfish. I realize I'm asking her to lock herself up and have pretty much no contact with reality. But she doesn't, anyway. This is just me asking her to protect others while she's out there affecting people who ARE in reality. Most of her others shouldn't drive - can't drive, don't know how. They think they're in other states. They are re-living their horrors in her mind, and goodness-knows-where in "reality".

I want to be selfish.

So instead, I isolate myself. I avoid this reality. I don't know how to BE around her, and I'm too tired to find ideas.

God, I'm lost.